FUKAI KOKORO NO KOTOBA

Trip to Ireland - Part I

2007-03-23T00:36:00.000+08:00

My journey to Ireland is something I would never forget. There were so many beautiful and moving moments, and there were trials and tribulations as well...

The night before I left for Mangalore Airport, my right eye was red and itchy. I thought it was a normal eye irritation, so I applied a few drops of EyeMo before I went to bed. I woke up at around 5 a.m., and the eye was still red... and it has somewhat become more painful. I applied EyeMo once again, hoping that it will be okay by the time I reach Bangalore and had my proper rest in the plane (didn't have one the night before.. I was busy packing, checking everything.. oh and was busy feeling excited). Maziah and I waited for the promised taxi for a good one hour, before she lost her patience and called the driver. We were worried that we might miss the plane. The taxi driver said he didn't know the way to our apartment! We panicked. Luckily, the guard at our apartment offered to fetch the driver and direct him to the apartment.

We got to the airport safe and sound.. and in time... to find out that all the worrying were useless. Our flight was delayed again and again.. up to 5 hours of delay! In the mean time, my right eye was beginning to hurt and throb, and its red colour is becoming more prominent. After a while, I noticed that the eye was not able to see things clearly... everything seems a bit foggy. I got scared, and it was a really frightening time waiting for the flight to take off. I just wanted to get to Bangalore and see the doctor there. My friends were very concerned with my situation. Shidan, my class rep, was kind enough to carry my luggages and offer me a towel to dab the tears that kept coming out from my sore eye. Thank you.

By the time we arrived at Bangalore, it was already late afternoon. I rushed to the auto, alone, and told him to bring me to a clinic, a hospital.. anywhere relevant to get my right eye checked. The driver brought me around aimlessly - he doesn't seem to know where he can take me - and the pain was becoming more and more unbearable. The eye practically throbbed and was extremely sensitive to light. I broke down and the auto driver panicked. He brought me to a spectacles shop. Everyone looked at me and my puffy face and red eye. One guy asked "what happened?". I croacked a little when I told him, "it's my right eye. It's really painful. I need to see the doctor". He told the auto man that there was an optical clinic named Vagh Eye Center nearby, and the driver brought me there.

Dr. Mustali M. Vagh took a look at my eye. "It's bad," he says.

"Bad.. as in.. I can lose my eyesight?" I asked, scared.

"Yes, you CAN lose your eyesight."

The words hit me hard. The doctor went on to explain that it was bacterial, and it had spread to my cornea.

"What are the chances that it will be okay?"

He said if I took my medicine religiously, the chances would be high. I promised him I would, and he told me to get a follow-up in Ireland. He would want to see me again the next day. He prescribed Cyclosin (I think that's the name), Vigamox, Tobrex and an antibiotic. The eyedrops were to be taken every half an hour, alternatively. Antibiotics were to be taken three times per day. The auto driver was kind enough to accompany me during my clinic visit, and he took all the trouble to get all my medicine for me. He didn't ask for much either. I guess he sort of took pity in me, all alone and sick.

I came back from the clinic, feeling very sad and worried. Then I realized that I have left my cellphone in the hotel room in all the rush to get to the clinic.. and I didn't have my keys with me, as they were with Maziah. I kept pacing up and down to see if she's back, but she didn't. The eye was getting painful again, and I needed to apply the eyedrop. I needed a clean bathroom to clean my hands to ensure that everything is hygenic. It was then I remembered that I had some Ireland friends' numbers in a book I brought. I wrote everything about the Ireland trip inside my book - the flight number, time of departure, travel documents I brought, and a few contacts and addresses of my friends in Ireland. I went to the ISD/STD calls booth and called Farhan, Maziah's close friend, first. I thought I could obtain Maziah's number from him. He didn't pick up the phone. I called two of my close friends next. Only one picked up and I blurt everything that had happened in an instant. It was sort of embarrassing, but I just needed to tell someone. I didn't want to worry my parents, so I only told them about the eye infection once it was getting better (i.e. a few days after my arrival in Ireland). Alhamdulillah for my friend was willing to listen to my concerns and worries.. Thank you for being there. You know who you are!

Maziah came back after a while, and saw me waiting in front of the room, all tired and puffy. I told her everything that the doctor had said. I didn't really have a good sleep that night. I kept waking up every half an hour to apply the eye drops. The next day, the same auto driver took me for the follow-up. The doctor said I have improved from the day before, and that I should be continuing my medication and see a doctor in Ireland. Before I left, he told me to get more eye drops from Bangalore medical stores before leaving for Ireland:

"The price would be the same in the number, but instead of rupees, it would be Euros. You'd better get your supplies here."

I did what I was told to do. Once again, the auto driver drove around to find all the medical supplies and told me to just rest in the auto. All of the stores seemed to run out of one particular eyedrop I needed, so the auto driver drove all the way back to the clinic and asked the doctor to contact anyone for the supply. I was told to wait in the auto and he did everything he can to help me. After a few minutes, he came down and told me that the supplier would send the medications to my hotel room later. I thanked him profusely and got back to the hotel to rest. An hour later, the medical supplier came and I managed to get hold of two more bottles of the eyedrop. Just after a few minutes, I got a call on the telephone in my hotel room. The auto driver had called and asked if I had gotten the promised medications. I told him I did, and thanked him again.

That evening, after a good rest, my friends called me up. They asked me if I could join them shopping at Garuda Mall. I hadn't had a proper meal since the day I've arrived (I ate Kit-Kat and drank mineral water for every meal), and had not purchase any winter clothing, so I agreed to come. I met a few ex-Kolej MARA Banting and ex-Kolej Teknologi Timur students, who helped us around the mall. I ate a chicken lasagna (Indian style!) and managed to purchase a green winter clothing at MNG. It was a quick decision and an instant purchase. I had no time to think of whether it would suit my other clothings. All I knew was I needed one before coming to Ireland.

We got to the airport at 12 a.m. and had an early check-in. The airport was full with Malaysian students, some heading home, some heading to other parts of India for vacation and me and Maziah, who were heading to Ireland. We left for Frankfurt, our transit stop, at 3.05 a.m.
I'll tell you more about the happier bits of my trip to Ireland, but for now I have to study for my Physiology Self-Directed Learning test this Saturday.. which includes.. the Thyroid Gland and the Male Reproductive System. Yikes! It's a lot! In the mean time, I'll post some pictures of my trip:

Some of the many nice people I met in Ireland. I stayed with Helma (back row, black hijab), Sarah (front row, red sweater) and Hazirah (next to Sarah and me)

With Helma, at University College Dublin, where I attended a talk by a recent Muslim revert. Notice that my right eye is red and swollen

At Trinity College

In front of Royal College of Surgeons, where I attended a few classes, just for the fun of it :P

In front of Malaysia Hall, where I attended the Penang Medical College Farewell Ceremony. Good food, good speeches :)

With Atikah, my friend from INTEC, at St. Stephen's Green Shopping Centre

Feeding the swans. I really think it could be a favorite way for me to spend my spare time.. but we don't have swans in Manipal

In front of Malahide Castle, with Kak Firdausi and Helma

Somewhere around the Malahide Castle. I love that huge tree

In the cafe within the Malahide Castle. We ordered a hot chocolate drink from the cafe, but we ate nasi lemak cooked by Kak Siha (in the picture) :P

Guess where we are? In the toilet of Malahide Castle

At the playground near Malahide Castle

Er.. somewhere I can't recall. We stopped by at this place on our way back from Malahide Castle

At the Japanese Garden, one of the many gardens at Powers Court. Just look at that beautiful Sakura tree!

I want a garden like this!

At the seaside in Bree

At a mini-golf course, with fairy tales as its theme. I believe this is one of the bears from the story Goldilocks

With my friends Jannah and Dayah in Galway. We had just attended a talk on "Shahadatul Haq" and were on our way to visit the lake nearby

Holidays!

2007-02-06T13:25:00.000+08:00

The word "holiday" is something really rare in Manipal. People there work really hard. Even on holidays like Deepavali, they'll continue working as if it wasn't a holiday. Although our classes end at 10 a.m. on Saturdays, our lecturers and expected to stay at their respective rooms throughout the day, until 5 p.m. So you see, holidays are very precious to us medical students of Malacca-Manipal Medical College.

And right now, I'm on one! This holiday would only last for a month, but it means a lot for me to take a break and do something else.. of course, I hope I won't forget to study! I am currently in Ireland, staying over at a friend's house. I'll be staying here for about three weeks. I hope to be able to join as many Muslim programmes as possible, as I have heard so many wonderful stories about these programmes. Ireland is extremely cold for someone like me, who had to use 2 blankets, a sweater and a pair of socks as well as having the fan switched off at night... in Manipal!

I hope to get the best out of this trip. It was a long journey from Manipal, to Mangalore, to Bangalore, to Frankfurt and finally Dublin. Hope it is all worth it :)

What's New?

2006-12-25T19:50:00.000+08:00

Okay, not really that "new". It's been over two months since my last entry. It's not that I'm that busy. But I am that lazy. Laziness is the worst habit a medical student could have. I've got to get over it!

A few things that had happened in the last two months:

1. Elected as the female Malay representative in the Malaysian Students' Association (MSA).

2. Sold flowers for the MSA stall, during Malaysian Food Fest 2006. Unfortunately, didn't get the opportunity to enjoy any of the food due to the ever-busy flowers stall.

3. Went to Hana-chan's friend's house to cook assam laksa. Turns out a little spicy, but I like it just the same. Thanks to my parents for sending me the belacan stock granules, dried daun kesum, bunga kantan and asam keping! Can't wait to have a kitchen of my own when we move out from Sharada Hostel!

4. Had my first block exams. A bit disappointed in my performance, but it's all due to my lacklustre studying habits. My Physiology and Anatomy papers barely passes the distinction mark, while Biochemistry is my best subject. The worst had to be my Anatomy spotters paper. We're lucky to have Histology spotters to compensate the marks.

5. Currently working as a secretary for the upcoming Malaysian Cultural Festival, "Lagenda 2006".

6. Attended a programme called "Saturday Circle", held every two weeks. It's a programme where one of the brothers or sisters would speak about a topic (we had topics about hadith, lailatul qadar, etc.), followed by Q&A and current issues updates.

7. Joined the girls' basketball and futsal team. I even surprised myself. Didn't escape unscathed though. I already had several fingers injuries, lips swollen and had fell down at least a dozen times. Ironic how sports is supposed to make you "healthy". Hehe. The basketball tournament would start tomorrow, where we'll play Batch 18. Futsal would be on the 1st of January.

8. Went to Mangalore to visit our friends. Had a nice time shopping at the mall.

9. Visited End Point, Udupi, Malpe Beach.

10. Watched a movie called "Red Ribbon" during our PPD class. The movie revolves around the character Prem, who is suffering from AIDS.

11. Watched House MD from time to time, Eyeshield 21 when I can find the times, and finished watching My Boss My Hero (thanks Hana-chan!).

Both my parents are now away in Mecca to perform their hajj. Insya-Allah, you can do it, mom and dad. I love you both. And to my siblings in Temerloh with my grandparents, don't be naughty!

Can't wait to be back with all of you :)

Some Pictures To Look At

2006-12-24T21:26:00.000+08:00

My sister Sumaiyyah working as my roommate Maziah's temporary nanny

MAHE Building

Our dissection hall is situated in this building

One "fine" day in the lecture hall

The most convenient mode of transportation here - auto. You seriously feel like you have a personal driver.

Tiger Circle

Us with our colourful umbrellas during the monsoon season

Flowers I got from some lovely people, during the Malaysian Food Fest

Najwa (I call her "gakusei") and me (she calls me "sensei")

After Eid prayers in the masjid

Our hari raya meal. Thank you to the seniors for cooking for us :) Oishii desu!

Du'a is read first before the meal!

Muslim INTECians on 1st Syawal

Kak Fid, Damia, Kak Dina and me

Watching the sunset at Malpe Beach, before heading for our Maghrib prayers by the seaside..

Eva and me enjoying the beautiful scenery at End Point

Our friends Hazimah and Mus came all the way from Mangalore.. and we brought them to the food court to eat nasi lemak

With the lovely kids from the orphanage. They are so genki!

With our custom-made salwar

Batch 19 Muslims - picture for our hari raya card

Wish to post more pictures.. but it seems like after a while I'll get the "problem loading page" message. So this is it for now :)

A month went by...

2006-10-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

I have been neglecting my blog for more than a month. Trust me, the guilt of seeing the same entry on top of my blog haunts me everyday.

Alhamdulillah, things are progressing well here. True enough, the subjects were no longer as breezy as those in A-Levels, but this is the path I have chosen. Studying can be tedious at times, but there are those moments when I paused and think - Subhanallah, Allah is Great. Things as simple as an uptake of glucose is not so simple after all - it goes around a long cycle, induced and repressed by certain factors. It is really amazing. Anatomy classes never seemed to stop to amaze me (and giving me wonderful tongue twists as well).

One of the classes I particulary enjoy here is Humanity. It is the only class where examinations are not needed and notes need not to be taken down. It is a class where what is needed is our heart and soul, and a pair of attentive ears. In the first Humanity class we had, our lecturer asked us to share our feelings when we first saw the cadaver in our dissection sessions. Our dissection sessions, by the way, is everyday, save for Wednesday. At first, no one spoke up. Then, one by one, started to share the thoughts they had:

"Why is he here?"

"Doesn't anyone want him?"

"Is he so poor that he needed to give his dead body away to support his family?"

"What happened to him?"

"Our differences are only skin-deep."

"Even in death, he is teaching us something."

My first thought when I myself saw the cadaver was that this is what we are all going to be one day. Just flesh and bones, rotting away to be recycled for other living things.. It is the soul that matters. It is the soul that makes us who we are.

The class was pretty much emotional. It drew tears. At the end of the class, we were asked to put our thoughts onto a piece of paper and to submit it to our lecturer.

The second Humanity class was more brutal. A lecturer came from Kasturba Medical College. He is the head of department of Biochemistry at the university. At first, he made a joke out of our dean's "Rain Clap". His laugh was just something out of this world. It just makes us laugh along even though we don't understand what was it that he thought to be so funny. All jokes aside, he gave us three sheets of papers - one was the story of an AIDS patient named Ron, another was a letter from second year medical student on quitting the course and lastly was an article about the inhumanity of medicine. Our lecturer starts getting serious. He told us that he shed tears after reading our thoughts.

"Your heart is so young, so pure.. so innocent! You're too good for this world. You don't belong here.." He said.

He then lamented on his own experience, before launching into an outburst: "Where is that pure heart of mine now? It's gone. My heart is like a stone, man!" He told us how many doctors try to escape the human sufferings they see every day. It is not easy, that is for sure. I realize that ever since I've decided to pursue this career. I know it would be a journey of so much sacrifice, pain and strife.. but I believe that iman is important to sustain that passion. I'm praying hard that I won't turn back. And most of all, I'm praying hard that I will turn into a doctor that I aspire to be.

Humanity classes aside, other classes is going well. I love all my lecturers. They all have something that we can identify with. For instance, Table 5 dissector, Mr. Venkat Ramana, will usually say "like that". Mr. Sudarshan would say "Okay, fine" or "So sad..." and Mr. James Gonsalves will go "which is nothing but..." The slangs are really something here. They were times when we are just plain dumbfounded over the words that were said. They pronounce motor as "mo-tar", for example. They don't know what handphones are - they are "mobiles". We don't "pack" food here, we "parcel" them. Speaking of food, I'm far away from being deprived of them. Seems like my cheeks are getting chubbier, even in Ramadhan! *horrors* I seemed to be very fond of the mint cheese grilled sandwich at a vegetarian restaurant here.

We had a nice 4-day break from Saturday (yes, we have Saturday classes) to this Tuesday. Saturday was Diwali, and there was a huge fireworks display here. They carried on playing the fireworks up to the late hours in the nights, and even continue doing so on Sunday night. It was extremely noisy. Our Hari Raya is today (Monday). We had a good Eid prayer, although our takbir sounds really different from the mellow one we usually have in Malaysia. Our real ceremony for Eid would be tomorrow, though. It will be held at a senior's house. I'm going off soon to help them with the lontong!

So far, I have been around to a lot of places. We've been to so many place to eat. We've went to Udupi to buy cloth for our tailor-made salwar, as well as to shop for certain furnitures and shoes! We've been to End Point, where we had a good view of a large, idyllic rainbow and the sea. We've been to the Maple Beach, where we watched the sunset, and had a peaceful prayer by the sea. The prayer by the sea gave me a reminder that no matter where we are on this earth, we are always His creation, His slaves. Di mana bumi dipijak, di situlah kita hamba Allah. Last Sunday, I even got the chance to visit a nearby orphanage. Although we were separated by the boundaries of language, it didn't stop the kids from laughing and enjoying with us. It was a good visit.

I'd love to upload pictures, but I'm running out of time. Perhaps I'll include them in my next entry. 'Til then, selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin to each and everyone of you who's reading this blog. May Allah bless all of you!

Greetings From India

2006-09-15T13:41:00.000+08:00

Thank you to all of the well wishes. I am doing fine here in Manipal. It's always raining here, but I don't mind since it kept the weather cold enough for me not to waste my money on air-conditioning. But it does get a bit too cold at night. Had to use two thick blankets, a pair of socks AND a sweater to keep me comfortable.

The food is good, alhamdulillah. I've been eating a lot of vegetarian foods lately. Fish is quite scarce, but I ate one two nights ago at Fish Point. It was really tasty. I still miss my sambal belacan and kangkung belacan. I get good (and cheap) laundry service and good housekeeping here. I was initially given a single room that I applied for beforehand. However, the price they quoted was a lot more expensive than the one they had included in the booklet. In the end, I shifted to a double standard room, which is a lot cheaper, and Maziah, my classmate in INTEC, becomes my roommate. The room is not luxurious, but it's good enough.

I get to meet a lot of new friends, and I instantly bonded with two girls from KMB and KTT, Hani and Najwa, respectively. We tried foods from Snack Shack, Saiba, the food court, Fish Point and various other places. They're relatively cheap as compared to Malaysia, with Fish Point being the cheapest so far. 7 of us had our dinner there, and that only amounts to Rs 127, which is roughly about RM12. Snack Shack has good food, but unfortunately, it is too loud at times. The lecturers here are very nice and helpful. My mentor, who is my "parent" here, is Dr. Maneesh. He teaches Biochemistry, and he is extremely nice and calm. My seniors (from the March batch) are also nice and friendly, and they helped us around with buying things (and bargaining), finding good food, registration with the police and things like that.

I had my first lecture yesterday on the subject of Biochemistry, where we learnt about amino acids, and then another lecture on Anatomy, in which we were introduced to the anatomical positions and movements. This morning I had my first encounter with the cadaver and we had a lecturer who showed us the basic things we should know, like nerves, veins and the likes. The time difference between here and Malaysia is about 2 and a half hours.

Unfortunately, the mosque is quite far from our hostel. Not only that, there is no allocation for women at the mosque. I do see Muslim Indians from time to time here. We have not been given a surau for our prayers, so we had to settle for prayers in the room. My friends and I are making our effort to perform as many solat jamaah as that we can afford. I reminded a male friend of mine to convey whatever they get from the mosque to us girls. Insha-Allah, when things are totally settled down and established, we would begin an usrah.

So far so good. I'm loving it here.

Life = 'Ibadah. Really?

2006-09-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

Initially, I thought of writing a post on the "grand lunch" Pycno, Bea, Elvis, Hiyoshi, Skye and I had, but I think Crimsonskye had nicely captured the moment with her words. I've left a long comment on her entry as well.

Instead I choose to write about our lives and our purpose. Most of these points are extracted from Ustaz Hasrizal's talk I attended quite recently. If we were to ask humans: "what is our purpose in life?", each would have their own answers, be it fame, money, status, etc. One of the most talked-about psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, had only these words as to the answer to the purpose of our life: "to fulfill our ego and libido (sexual desire)". The most average answer that most people seem to practise in their daily life: "we live to eat, sleep, work, get married, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work...", which is no better than a herd of goats. No goat wakes up and vows to himself: "I hope to be a better goat today than the goat I was yesterday." None of these answers are good enough for us to know which direction we are heading in life. I personally think that none gives us the sense of completion. If getting a PhD is our final goal in life, what's next after we get there?

So, let us look back at the manual written by our Creator:

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

I have only created Jinns and men, that they may serve Me.
(Qur'an 51:56)

This is our purpose of life. Sadly, many of us limits ibadah to the time we spent on the prayers' mat, or reading the Qur'an. Those are ibadah all right, but ibadah isn't just a certain time in life, but it's life itself. Working, sleeping, taking meals, getting to know people, spending time with friends - all these are also supposed to be ibadah.

There were quite a number of talks I've attended where people would always reiterate just how little time we spend on prayers, on reading the Qur'an as compared to spending time with friends or working or studying. It's almost like those are the only things we do that will earn us good deeds. Once we've folded our prayers mat and put away our telekung, it's like we're in another world. Which is of course, the wrong outlook.

The downside to this "distinction" is that we are subconciously being secular. We may not dare to shorten our Subuh prayers into just one rakaat, but we dare to cut class or cut our working hours (be it coming late, leaving early, or too much "coffee break"). We dare to talk bad things about people. We dare to break promises. We could care less about studying or doing our best in everything we do. We cut queues, we shout at people, we plagiarize, we lie. And the list goes on.

So, today let's just ask ourselves: Just how far had we made our life an ibadah? I must especially remind myself and ask myself this question again and again and again. Are we really serving our purpose of life? Or maybe are we just a part of the herd of goats?

Update

2006-08-22T00:56:00.000+08:00

My flight details:

Date: 8th September 2006.

Time of departure: 10.10 p.m.

Ya Allah.. Give me strength... Guide me so that I won't lose my way...

Alhamdulillah!

2006-08-17T11:37:00.000+08:00

I obtained my A-Level results today. I thought it was supposed to be on the 18th, but INTEC released it today instead.

Not that excellent, nor that bad, but I got my straight A's. My best subject is mathematics and biology is the worst. Unit 6 of Biology left me gaping with horror. Haha. Straight A's means 15 points, which means I passed the 12 points requirement stated by JPA. Insya-Allah, if nothing is in the way, I'll get to Manipal soon ;)

Alhamdulillah!

Dust Is My Bed

2006-08-16T15:28:00.000+08:00

I attended a talk by Ustaz Hasrizal bin Abdul Jamil last night entitled "3 Simple Questions: Dare to Fail?". This was one of the video he showed us for our viewing pleasure... and for us to ponder upon... Thought I'd share it here:

India, My Destination

2006-08-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

I just came back from a 2 day 1 night pre-departure briefing with Islamic Medical Association Malaysia (IMAM) UK-Eire at Seri Pengantin Resort, Janda Baik. This is probably the how-many-time I've attended such courses. Despite the fact that I knew that some of the materials (and jokes) would be re-cycled again and again, I decided to go to this one as each of the course had always gave something new in some ways. And it doesn't hurt to be reminded again and again about the responsibilities as medical students, and as doctors in the future, and Muslims ones at that.

During one of the group sessions with the seniors, which are mostly First Year students, Kak Faridah asked us Indian-bound and Czech Republic-bound students what it was like to be offered to our respective countries. Czech Republic students were pretty much anxious, as they are going to be the pioneer batch in Czech Republic, where the Muslim population is less than 0.1%. For us Indian (specifically, Manipal College) bound, there were quite a few things to say. My sister made a point that it was actually good that she was offered to study in India, as if she weren't, she may have looked down at the Indian medical schools and their system. That was a good point. I admit that initially, I was a bit disappointed that I was offered to study in India, which is not really "that" far from home and which was none of the countries I ticked as my choice. But being me, I accepted it gladly, didn't care much to appeal for something else, and set my heart straight on studying there. Those traces of disappointments have now disappeared. In fact, I now look forward to go there in September, insya-Allah, provided that I get those 12 points required of my A-Levels (results out on the 18th of August at 9 a.m.). I can't wait to start.

The usual scenario is that when people, including our peers, ask us where we are off to to pursue medicine, and "India" was given as the answer, they will give us either a snicker, a laugh, an amused or a disbelieved expression, or worse, a REALLY REALLY loud group laugh. If they don't do that, then they might just make jokes about it at one time or another. For me, it is nothing, as I'm used to it. Plus, I don't feel that there is anything funny about studying there. But I do think about what Indians would've felt seeing people laughing at them, making jokes about their country as if studying there is some sort of a funny idea. Imagine us being in their shoes. What would you feel when people around the globe laughs at the prospect of studying in Malaysia, as though it is the most ludicrous thing one could have ever suggested. Would you feel sad? Angry? Amused?

Same goes to those who are going to Indonesia. I think they had it worse than us. I do not understand why, though. What is so bad about the place? I honestly feel that they are very lucky indeed. They are so close to a place where they can contribute so much to the society. During the briefing, Dr. Latiff told us a story about a man with no arms who begged Mercy Malaysia to include him in the Acheh Medical Relief team, but was rejected. However, he was not easily disheartened. He gathered friends, collected funds and do everything he can. He finally get to go to Acheh on his own efforts and once he was there, he went to Mercy Malaysia and said, "Here I am. What can I do to help?" Indonesian-bound students would get that chance without much hitch. I wish all my comrades who are taking off to UGM this Tuesday all the best!

Although, I do feel like I'm going to miss out the Islamic environment described by the UK-Eire seniors. I really wish that I can experience that, going to the mosque, seeing people from all sort of countries, all sort of languages and cultures and all sorts of mazhab, all together praying, standing close to each other - all hearts united in the for the love of Islam. The way they described Ramadhan and Eid there just seems so lovely. I am not sure how Manipal fares in terms of these aspects, but I'm praying for the best. I am sure that there are going to be lots of new things to discover and experience there. An IMAM student chapter in India is yet to be established, but I do hope that my batch could perhaps start one. Being pioneers is always a challenge, but if everyone has the thinking that "someone will do this later on", nothing will get started.

All in all, I would say that in whatever we do, Iman is indeed exceptionally important. I believe that it is the one last thing that sustains you at the lowest point of your life. In times when things just seemed so hard, people just won't understand, the world is just in chaos, my Iman is the only thing that makes me hold dear to my ambitions, my dreams and my efforts. My Iman is the one last thing that fulfill the emptiness in my heart when everything else seems pointless and confusing. I may have a weak Iman, but that weak Iman is the thin string that pulls everything together for me. And I hope that it is with this Iman, with further nourishment and strengthening, would I go through those years ahead of me, into my profession and beyond..

Oh Allah, bless me with friends that can remind me of where I came from, why I am here, what my purpose is, and where I am going next...

Discovering Myself...

2006-08-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

The Psychology Test results I obtained from JPA today were somewhat expected in certain areas, but some came as a surpise. I discovered that I am:

26% nervous.

40% depressive. A little depressive is good, said the JPA officer, so that you're not too relaxed over something. My score is in the "Acceptable" area.

80% active-social. Which came to me as a surprise. I never thought that I am that sociable.

89% expressive-responsive. Another surprise, because I usually bottle up my emotions.

91% sympathetic. My highest score.

48% subjective. Subjective includes indecisiveness, and acting on impulse.

69% dominant. Dominance includes the ability to be assertive, self-confidence and the ability to stand up for one's belief. I don't really like my score though. I hope I'm not a control freak.

33% hostile. I don't remember what "hostile" actually meant in this test.

46% self-disciplined. Oh my, though my score is categorized as "Acceptable", I do not like the look of it. This is a trait I must work my best on.

In my personality analysis, I was categorized as a person who is calm and able to take things as they are, although I can be a pessimist at times. I am also known as a person who is shy, quiet and rarely known among people. Haha. Correct, that is. I was also described as a person who doesn't like to complain and a person who doesn't like to ask for others' help. Although I scored high for my expressive-responsive trait, the individual analysis says that I do not express my emotions well and that I need to work on it. Alhamdulillah, none of my traits were in the "Improvements suggested" or "Improvements needed", but I need to retain my "Excellent" ones and improve on my "Acceptable" ones.

I actually love doing all these psychological and self-discovery tests. Sometimes you get lost about how you think of yourself that you don't see what your real strengths and weaknesses are, and how people perceive you. You just get lost in a world of your own perceptions and sometimes you deceive yourself. Although I wouldn't say that the results were 100% correct, it certainly helped to step back and assess myself in certain areas. Done with my self-discovery for this time around... so now on to self-improvement!

Busy, Busy Days

2006-07-19T07:06:00.000+08:00

11th of July: Went to Subang to settle my passport (with a 50% discount for students).

12th of July: I officially graduated from INTEC (despite the fact that our results will only come out in August).

With Amira Balqis. Our Biology lecturer said that we look similar.

That's our biology lecturer - Mrs. Mimi Sophia.

Six lovely, 'ayu' girls from A-Level Medicine of INTEC.

From left to right: Sumaiyyah (my sister), Jee Jian (classmate), me, Elaine (housemate)

13th of July (Morning): Quality Day for students, where awards were given to the best student of each programme, best club and best club activity. I was nominated for best student for the ALM programme. The winners were Nicholas Lee Kwan Tuck and Praveena. Congratulations! To the other nominees, Hisham and Alicia - best of luck next time! Perhaps in MMMC or IMU, maybe? ;)

Nominees from ALM (left to right): Nicholas, Hisham, Alicia, Praveena, me

With one of the winner, Praveena. She's one of the most amazing person I've ever met in my life - full of energy and extremely talented in many areas. We rarely get the chance to see each other, but when we do, it's time for one of those 'girls' pillow talk', if you know what I mean.

13th of July (Evening): Went back to our 'kampung angkat', Kampung Belia Satu, perhaps for the last time before all of us take off to our respective countries. Khairil drove, and Afiq was the co-driver. I sat at the back with Mardhiah and Hidayah, who both kept arguing with Khairil over the lyrics of a certain Malay song (I don't remember the title. Blame the wonderful Japanese music for making me immune to the Malaysian radio).

When I arrived that evening, I immediately joined my friends at the 'balai raya', who were busy slicing onions, ginger and the likes for our kenduri that night.

Working hard

Seronoknya blender cili ramai-ramai...

Shiraaj and Yaqzan diligently washing the dishes

Khairil stirring the 'sup daging', while Fahmi, Ajin Madang and Azizul looked on with a certain 'poyo' pose. Heheh.

Makcik-makcik sedang menggoreng ayam... harumnya bau...

With my 'mak', Cik Asliah, and my 'kakak', Aini.

"Oh... so that's how you sweep the floor.."

The 'sick team' (L to R): Hanis (a wasp stung her feet), Damia (flu), Qamar (allergies)

Bersemangat nak ambil gambar tu...

14th of July: We went back to Shah Alam in the afternoon. Arrived at INTEC at around 4.00 p.m. I arrived home at 5.00 p.m. and rushed to get ready for my Grand Dinner and to catch the 6.00 p.m. bus to Pan Pacific Hotel in KL. We got back from the dinner at around 1 a.m., so I slept over at the surau in our hostel (all the seniors do not have their own house anymore).

Damia look stunning that night. I helped her set her tudung (tumpang bangga).

"You're just too good to be true.. can't take my eyes off you..."

Maziah and Rean belting out the lyrics of Mika Nakashima's "Glamorous Sky". They did an awesome job.

With my English lecturer, Mr. Udaya Bhanu (who sung a Hindi song that night - good job!), and fellow classmates

15th of July (Morning): I rushed home at 7.30 a.m. to get ready for my sister's award ceremony at her school. She had reminded me beforehand that I MUST come.

Winner of the Best Chemistry Student and Anugerah Emas awards, my sister Syahidah.

15th of July (Evening): Went to Bon Odori at Matsushita Stadium, Shah Alam.

With my online friend, Aina a.ka. haruna_hamasaki a.ka. Yamapi freak

With a Japanese okaasan and her kids

With a group of Japanese dressing up as the band members of Gazette

The beautiful sight of Bon Odori

16th of July: My friends from Kedah (former MRSM Taiping classmates) came to my house.

17th of July: Reunion with some friends and classmates from MRSM Taiping in Mid Valley. Had lunch, and walked around while chit-chatting.

Busy, busy days all right. But I certainly enjoyed them.

When Will It Ever Stop?

2006-07-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

Source: Wikipedia

14-year-old Abeer Qassim Hamza and her family were killed by American soldiers in their village of Mahmoudiyah southeast of Baghdad on or around March 12th. So far 5 soldiers Steven Dale Green, Paul E. Cortez, James P. Barker, Jesse V. Spielman and Bryan L. Howard have all been charged with participating in the crime.

The Qassim family lived in an isolated farm area. Abeer's mother, Fakhariya Taja Muhassain was reported as being worried that her daughter had attracted the soldiers as she worked in the field near a checkpoint manned by U.S. troops. According to neighbors, soldiers had entered the farm house previously to search it and make advances toward Abeer. Abeer's mother was concerned enough about the soldier's advances to request that Abeer be allowed to spend her nights at the neighbor’s house. This proved to be an ineffective deterrent as the attack took place in broad daylight the day after Abeer spent her first night with neighbors.

According to reports the soldiers had planned to rape Abeer days before the event. They established a six-man group and on the day in question left with five soldiers leaving one behind to man the checkpoint. The sixth soldier has been charged with dereliction of duty for not reporting the crime.

The soldiers entered the house and ordered Abeer’s father, mother and sister into another room where Steven Green summarily shot all in the head after emerging to say, "I just killed them, all are dead." After the rest of the family was murdered, Abeer was gang-raped and then killed.

Abu Firas Janabi, a relative of the family and first to arrive at the scene was interviewed by the L.A. Times. He stated that both of the mother’s arms were obviously broken, the father’s head “smashed into pieces” and Abeer's body was found naked and burned, with her head smashed in "by a concrete block or a piece of iron.". The lower part of Abeer’s body, from her stomach down to her feet, was subsequently set on fire, presumably to eliminate any DNA evidence although it is unclear if Abeer was still alive or conscious when her body was burnt. The fire eventually spread to rest of the room and the smoke alerted neighbors.

Abeer Qasim Hamza, her mother Fakhriyah Taha Muhsin, 34; her father Qasim Hamza Raheem, 45; and her sister Hadeel Qasim Hamza, aged 7 are survived by 8-year-old son Ahmed Qassim and 13-year-old son Mohammed who survived the attack because they were at school.

Comments at the forum this was posted on:

...The details... oi...

No comment.

~Kisu

...*kicks*

...If America finds them guilty, the should just send them to the Iraqi government and let them do whatever they want to them. I don't really give a **** what they do, just let them do whatever they want to them in any way they want to do it.

...i AGREE! give them a taste of thier own medicine. or a much higher dosage.

...I'm so sick of this war.

So. Sick. Of this war.

... Amen to that, I am too!

... their trial should be held in iraq, in iraqi court. just becouse amecan (sic) war criminals tend to get away with it in us courts. (an example)
their act was sick, something any army should be able to prevent their personel (sic) form doing. most of cases like this are usally covered up by military organizations.

...Agreed, but that won't happen because they don't think they'd get a fair trial in Iraq. So that's why I suggest that if they're found guilty then send them over there. That why the trial part is out of the way and all that's left is to figure out how to sentence them.

...no war crime suspect has never got fair trial, nothing even close to that. but crimes they comited (sic) were happened iraq, that should be good enogh (sic) reason for trial to be held there, using iraqi laws with addition of "international laws of war" (hague conventions, geneva conventions and united nations charter).

What Do You See?

2006-07-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

Look at the picture below and tell me what do you see.

So what do you see?

A black dot. Is that your answer?

It's the usual answer I will get from most people. Wouldn't "a white sheet with a tiny black dot" sound like a better answer?

So what's my point exactly?

Isn't this how people usually see things? People always tend to focus on the bad things. A person can be nice for all his life, but a single mistake he did would remain to be the most-talked about topic in everyone's conversation. We focused too much on the black dot that we failed to see the bigger region of the white sheet.

I usually hear things like "I can't believe a nice person like him did that." But it's all a talk in the back, and no one even care to advise the person about his wrongdoing. Yes, he is a nice person. A nice person is a nice person all right, but in the end he's also just a human being who needs to be reminded and advised all the same. Our actions of dissing that person behind his back brings nothing back in return - he remains in his ignorance over his fault, and those dissing him would be nothing but a bunch of gossipers who are looking for more sins to add to their credit.

So, can we all agree that a nice person - no matter how nice he is - is in fact, human. If he did something wrong, do not be so quick to say he is bad. We all need an advice once in a while in our lives. Let us try to focus on how to expand the area of the white sheet than to work on embedding that black dot forever on that pure background.

Who Moved My Blog?

2006-07-03T17:50:00.000+08:00

Finally I made it. Although I'm not happy with how my blog template turns out to be, I finally moved to Blogspot. It's not exactly easy for me, seeing how I love the way I can manipulate HTML codes on Xanga easily as compared to Blogspot. But, oh well, I've got to start learning how to do the same for Blogspot. At least now I can link my favourite blogs from here.

I just got back from BTN (Biro Tatanegara) Course yesterday. Overall, BTN was okay. There were good things and bad ones, as usual. My fellow MMMC and PMC friends and I were confused at first as to which camp we were assigned to - Camp A or Camp B. We found out that all twinning students from INTEC are assigned to Camp B, so we headed to the hall there. It turns out that we were the last to arrive. Which made us lucky. Since the dorms were all full, we were given the guest house. There were 19 of us left, so 9 were assigned to Guest House 1 and another 10 to Guest House 2. Guest House 2 was at the very top of the place, so while climbing up the place (in an old-lady manner) my friends and I had all the lactic acid we can produce for the next five days. There were six beds and 9 of us, so my friend Maziah and I slept on the couch.. Which is not bad, really, because we were not tortured by the extreme cold air of the air cond when we woke up every morning. Plus, the cushions were so good and comfy! Maybe I would buy one just like that when I get my own house. Haha.

I had a great time hanging around with my friends, and knowing new people from other colleges as well. I met a few former schoolmates and acquantainces. The talks were.... well, all right. Some were better than the others. The LDK was.... all right, as well. But if I were to put an overall rating, I'd definitely say it is a good course. I've made some self-discovery and discovered a certain thing about myself that cannot be changed for the longest time. I've met a fellow anime fan, and another Manchester United supporter. I've endured 5 days without no news from the outside, except some short notification about who won the World Cup games and who were the losers. I was sad that England had to leave, and on penalty kick again, but I didn't expect much of them after their lackluster performance in the previous games. I'm very happy that Brazil had exited. Time for another country to lift that glory.

I wish I had spoken up more, but I didn't. I kept quiet most of the times, and my smile was my only expression. During BTN, for the first time in my life, I cried in front of strangers. Well, not really strangers, since they're my group members from other colleges (and 2 of my classmates), but it felt somewhat different to reveal yourself like that. And a bit embarrassing as well. We were supposed to write our will to the two most beloved person from our family - a will before we took off to our respective countries. Of course, everyone chose their parents. I was reluctant to read mine, as I knew just how I can easily cry over the thought of others' kindness. But of course, it was compulsary for everyone. I was the second last person to read mine out. I managed to read the first few words before my tears just started to flow crazily. I tried to control my emotions and to choke back my tears, but I just failed. Miserably. My facilitator finally asked me to turn around and face the wall instead of my group mates while reading my will. With a struggle, I managed to finish it all. It was supposed to be read for 20 times, but I think that once was enough. So did my facilitator. He told me "okay" after my first read. Ah, it was so embarrassing! I rarely let go of my emotions like that in front of others....