Update

My flight details:

Date: 8th September 2006.

Time of departure: 10.10 p.m.

Ya Allah.. Give me strength... Guide me so that I won't lose my way...

Alhamdulillah!

I obtained my A-Level results today. I thought it was supposed to be on the 18th, but INTEC released it today instead.

Not that excellent, nor that bad, but I got my straight A's. My best subject is mathematics and biology is the worst. Unit 6 of Biology left me gaping with horror. Haha. Straight A's means 15 points, which means I passed the 12 points requirement stated by JPA. Insya-Allah, if nothing is in the way, I'll get to Manipal soon ;)

Alhamdulillah!

Dust Is My Bed

India, My Destination

I just came back from a 2 day 1 night pre-departure briefing with Islamic Medical Association Malaysia (IMAM) UK-Eire at Seri Pengantin Resort, Janda Baik. This is probably the how-many-time I've attended such courses. Despite the fact that I knew that some of the materials (and jokes) would be re-cycled again and again, I decided to go to this one as each of the course had always gave something new in some ways. And it doesn't hurt to be reminded again and again about the responsibilities as medical students, and as doctors in the future, and Muslims ones at that.

During one of the group sessions with the seniors, which are mostly First Year students, Kak Faridah asked us Indian-bound and Czech Republic-bound students what it was like to be offered to our respective countries. Czech Republic students were pretty much anxious, as they are going to be the pioneer batch in Czech Republic, where the Muslim population is less than 0.1%. For us Indian (specifically, Manipal College) bound, there were quite a few things to say. My sister made a point that it was actually good that she was offered to study in India, as if she weren't, she may have looked down at the Indian medical schools and their system. That was a good point. I admit that initially, I was a bit disappointed that I was offered to study in India, which is not really "that" far from home and which was none of the countries I ticked as my choice. But being me, I accepted it gladly, didn't care much to appeal for something else, and set my heart straight on studying there. Those traces of disappointments have now disappeared. In fact, I now look forward to go there in September, insya-Allah, provided that I get those 12 points required of my A-Levels (results out on the 18th of August at 9 a.m.). I can't wait to start.

The usual scenario is that when people, including our peers, ask us where we are off to to pursue medicine, and "India" was given as the answer, they will give us either a snicker, a laugh, an amused or a disbelieved expression, or worse, a REALLY REALLY loud group laugh. If they don't do that, then they might just make jokes about it at one time or another. For me, it is nothing, as I'm used to it. Plus, I don't feel that there is anything funny about studying there. But I do think about what Indians would've felt seeing people laughing at them, making jokes about their country as if studying there is some sort of a funny idea. Imagine us being in their shoes. What would you feel when people around the globe laughs at the prospect of studying in Malaysia, as though it is the most ludicrous thing one could have ever suggested. Would you feel sad? Angry? Amused?

Same goes to those who are going to Indonesia. I think they had it worse than us. I do not understand why, though. What is so bad about the place? I honestly feel that they are very lucky indeed. They are so close to a place where they can contribute so much to the society. During the briefing, Dr. Latiff told us a story about a man with no arms who begged Mercy Malaysia to include him in the Acheh Medical Relief team, but was rejected. However, he was not easily disheartened. He gathered friends, collected funds and do everything he can. He finally get to go to Acheh on his own efforts and once he was there, he went to Mercy Malaysia and said, "Here I am. What can I do to help?" Indonesian-bound students would get that chance without much hitch. I wish all my comrades who are taking off to UGM this Tuesday all the best!

Although, I do feel like I'm going to miss out the Islamic environment described by the UK-Eire seniors. I really wish that I can experience that, going to the mosque, seeing people from all sort of countries, all sort of languages and cultures and all sorts of mazhab, all together praying, standing close to each other - all hearts united in the for the love of Islam. The way they described Ramadhan and Eid there just seems so lovely. I am not sure how Manipal fares in terms of these aspects, but I'm praying for the best. I am sure that there are going to be lots of new things to discover and experience there. An IMAM student chapter in India is yet to be established, but I do hope that my batch could perhaps start one. Being pioneers is always a challenge, but if everyone has the thinking that "someone will do this later on", nothing will get started.

All in all, I would say that in whatever we do, Iman is indeed exceptionally important. I believe that it is the one last thing that sustains you at the lowest point of your life. In times when things just seemed so hard, people just won't understand, the world is just in chaos, my Iman is the only thing that makes me hold dear to my ambitions, my dreams and my efforts. My Iman is the one last thing that fulfill the emptiness in my heart when everything else seems pointless and confusing. I may have a weak Iman, but that weak Iman is the thin string that pulls everything together for me. And I hope that it is with this Iman, with further nourishment and strengthening, would I go through those years ahead of me, into my profession and beyond..

Oh Allah, bless me with friends that can remind me of where I came from, why I am here, what my purpose is, and where I am going next...

Discovering Myself...

The Psychology Test results I obtained from JPA today were somewhat expected in certain areas, but some came as a surpise. I discovered that I am:

26% nervous.

40% depressive. A little depressive is good, said the JPA officer, so that you're not too relaxed over something. My score is in the "Acceptable" area.

80% active-social. Which came to me as a surprise. I never thought that I am that sociable.

89% expressive-responsive. Another surprise, because I usually bottle up my emotions.

91% sympathetic. My highest score.

48% subjective. Subjective includes indecisiveness, and acting on impulse.

69% dominant. Dominance includes the ability to be assertive, self-confidence and the ability to stand up for one's belief. I don't really like my score though. I hope I'm not a control freak.

33% hostile. I don't remember what "hostile" actually meant in this test.

46% self-disciplined. Oh my, though my score is categorized as "Acceptable", I do not like the look of it. This is a trait I must work my best on.

In my personality analysis, I was categorized as a person who is calm and able to take things as they are, although I can be a pessimist at times. I am also known as a person who is shy, quiet and rarely known among people. Haha. Correct, that is. I was also described as a person who doesn't like to complain and a person who doesn't like to ask for others' help. Although I scored high for my expressive-responsive trait, the individual analysis says that I do not express my emotions well and that I need to work on it. Alhamdulillah, none of my traits were in the "Improvements suggested" or "Improvements needed", but I need to retain my "Excellent" ones and improve on my "Acceptable" ones.

I actually love doing all these psychological and self-discovery tests. Sometimes you get lost about how you think of yourself that you don't see what your real strengths and weaknesses are, and how people perceive you. You just get lost in a world of your own perceptions and sometimes you deceive yourself. Although I wouldn't say that the results were 100% correct, it certainly helped to step back and assess myself in certain areas. Done with my self-discovery for this time around... so now on to self-improvement!